Actually, I Kind Of Want To Be A Zombie.
Jun. 20th, 2012 11:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dodger_sisterAwhile back I promised you a therapy story, so here it goes.
I started getting massage therapy to my neck and omg is this guy good. After a couple of sessions I may have said, "Um, is it sexual harassment if I ask you to marry me?" I told Kevin I just wanted the guy's hands and Kevin was like, "Yeah, I need his hands to come to work with the rest of him, thanks,"
So we have some very entertaining conversations while we work together. He asked one day what my plans were for the weekend and I was like, "I have to finish the Avengers story I am writing for my nephew's birthday." I told him about The Nephew's idea to tell Hulk a joke when you want him to change back into Bruce. Massage Therapist was highly impressed with The Nephew's cunning. A few days later he said it was bugging him and he had to know what the joke was I wrote and then laughed hysterically when I told it to him. Then we talked a lot about our favorite comic book heroes. Adorable geek!
About three weeks later, I was asking him questions about his technique and he commended me for being so involved in my own care, because most people won't impose on you even regarding their own body. I said how my mom never asked the doctors questions when I was a kid and it drove me nuts, especially with long term side effects of medicine.
As soon as I mentioned medicine he starts telling me how they all got sent to take the vaccine for the H1N1 virus awhile back. When he went in to get the shot, he asked for some reading material on it, even just a pamphlet would have been fine. And they were like, "We don't have anything like that. Just take the shot," and it made him so uneasy. So he left without taking it. Everyone at work kept telling him how stupid that was when he works in the medical field around sick people.
His response?
MT: Really? You think so? Cuz I've seen this movie. I know how this ends. You're all turning into zombies and I'm not.
Me: Yeah. They seem fine now but it is dormant in their system. Something triggers that off and they're all zombies. Like that HV vaccine for girls. Seems fine now but you wait and see in ten years how many girls start having two-headed alien babies.
MT: See, I don't want to be a zombie or have an alien baby! You know what would be cool though? A vaccine that accidentally turns you into The Hulk.
Me: No. No, because then you get all Hulky every time you get angry. Can you control yourself like that? I can't. Plus, then you're just The Hulk and you can't do anything until you calm down.
MT: That's cool though because I'll just keep you around to tell me knock-knock jokes.
He not only talked about zombies, but then he referenced one of my fics in a conversation!! My little fangirl heart was so giddy!! Later he talked about all the Ren Fairs he has been too and then orgasmically described the giant slabs of turkey on a bone.
MT: It's like they killed Dino from The Flintstones and cooked him for me.
Me: They do know dinosaurs didn't exist in medieval times, right?
MT: Whatever. Giant slab of turkey on a bone, okay!
It's gotta be a guy thing, the need for ridiculous portions of meat on a stick, right? Why do people think food is better on a stick? We do though.
We are having a Fourth of July cookout this year - (I am betting we get at least 30 people to come) - and I kind of wanted to invite Massage Therapist. But I am off from therapy at the moment which makes it difficult to ask. If I was still working with him, I could be like all casual in our session, "You should drop by if you aren't doing anything." But now if I want to invite him, I have to call him at work or email him through their official site (which seems a little stalkerish). I am not even looking to date the guy - I just like hanging out with cool geeks. I guess I will veto that idea. It is still shaping up to be a pretty awesome barbeque though.
I started getting massage therapy to my neck and omg is this guy good. After a couple of sessions I may have said, "Um, is it sexual harassment if I ask you to marry me?" I told Kevin I just wanted the guy's hands and Kevin was like, "Yeah, I need his hands to come to work with the rest of him, thanks,"
So we have some very entertaining conversations while we work together. He asked one day what my plans were for the weekend and I was like, "I have to finish the Avengers story I am writing for my nephew's birthday." I told him about The Nephew's idea to tell Hulk a joke when you want him to change back into Bruce. Massage Therapist was highly impressed with The Nephew's cunning. A few days later he said it was bugging him and he had to know what the joke was I wrote and then laughed hysterically when I told it to him. Then we talked a lot about our favorite comic book heroes. Adorable geek!
About three weeks later, I was asking him questions about his technique and he commended me for being so involved in my own care, because most people won't impose on you even regarding their own body. I said how my mom never asked the doctors questions when I was a kid and it drove me nuts, especially with long term side effects of medicine.
As soon as I mentioned medicine he starts telling me how they all got sent to take the vaccine for the H1N1 virus awhile back. When he went in to get the shot, he asked for some reading material on it, even just a pamphlet would have been fine. And they were like, "We don't have anything like that. Just take the shot," and it made him so uneasy. So he left without taking it. Everyone at work kept telling him how stupid that was when he works in the medical field around sick people.
His response?
MT: Really? You think so? Cuz I've seen this movie. I know how this ends. You're all turning into zombies and I'm not.
Me: Yeah. They seem fine now but it is dormant in their system. Something triggers that off and they're all zombies. Like that HV vaccine for girls. Seems fine now but you wait and see in ten years how many girls start having two-headed alien babies.
MT: See, I don't want to be a zombie or have an alien baby! You know what would be cool though? A vaccine that accidentally turns you into The Hulk.
Me: No. No, because then you get all Hulky every time you get angry. Can you control yourself like that? I can't. Plus, then you're just The Hulk and you can't do anything until you calm down.
MT: That's cool though because I'll just keep you around to tell me knock-knock jokes.
He not only talked about zombies, but then he referenced one of my fics in a conversation!! My little fangirl heart was so giddy!! Later he talked about all the Ren Fairs he has been too and then orgasmically described the giant slabs of turkey on a bone.
MT: It's like they killed Dino from The Flintstones and cooked him for me.
Me: They do know dinosaurs didn't exist in medieval times, right?
MT: Whatever. Giant slab of turkey on a bone, okay!
It's gotta be a guy thing, the need for ridiculous portions of meat on a stick, right? Why do people think food is better on a stick? We do though.
We are having a Fourth of July cookout this year - (I am betting we get at least 30 people to come) - and I kind of wanted to invite Massage Therapist. But I am off from therapy at the moment which makes it difficult to ask. If I was still working with him, I could be like all casual in our session, "You should drop by if you aren't doing anything." But now if I want to invite him, I have to call him at work or email him through their official site (which seems a little stalkerish). I am not even looking to date the guy - I just like hanging out with cool geeks. I guess I will veto that idea. It is still shaping up to be a pretty awesome barbeque though.
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Date: 2012-06-21 03:20 am (UTC)I've had friends who worked at Renn Faires and apparently the turkey legs are actually emu or ostrich, I forget which as they're big enough.
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Date: 2012-06-23 02:21 am (UTC)You don't think that seems overly pushy? I would have to go to the clinic official site and get his work email and then email him through that. I was worried that would seem kind of stalkerish. I don't know what proper procedure is for these kinds of things!
I did think about something like, "Hey, I was sad you weren't there on my last day as I enjoyed working with you so much. My sister and I are having a bbq on the Fourth of July - if you aren't doing anything, you should swing by so we can catch up. Hope to work with you again when I come back this fall! Take care."
That all sounds fine to me (to you too?), I am just worried that getting his email from the clinic site is a little weird. I would like him to come but I don't want it to be weird since he must be my massage therapist forever - my neck demands it!
I've had friends who worked at Renn Faires and apparently the turkey legs are actually emu or ostrich,
Ewwwww, who would eat an emu? Those things are ugly and nasty.
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Date: 2012-06-23 02:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-23 02:36 am (UTC)But see, I also worry about about inviting men to go do things because I don't want them to think I am asking them on a date and then be weird and not come. Like it wouldn't be hard for me to invite any of the single ladies at the clinic to come to a cookout because I know they wouldn't think I was asking them out. But if I ask a guy to come, everyone assumes it means something more. (not that I wouldn't date him, but thst isn't what I'm shooting for here). Um, anyways, end my rant about gendersicts <--that's a word, right?
Socialization is hard, yo.
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Date: 2012-06-23 02:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-23 02:49 am (UTC)Now I am an adult and among like, non-stoned people, and the rules are all different.
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Date: 2012-06-23 02:50 am (UTC)I went out for coffee with a guy last summer but that wasn't really a date.
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Date: 2012-06-23 02:52 am (UTC)I remember that! Was that last summer? Wow, it does not seem like that long ago. I remember you met him at some book fair something that you volunteered at. Huh, I guess that was last summer.
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Date: 2012-06-23 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-21 03:28 am (UTC)Yay for geeky conversations during therapy! But you know, The Awesome Husband TM is strong with the Nursing Fu and he knows things and thinks flu shots are generally a really good idea.
So you should listen.
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Date: 2012-06-23 02:28 am (UTC)I was just told it may be possible that the meat on a bone is emu or ostrich. I think I would rather eat nuclear mutated turkey legs.
But you know, The Awesome Husband TM is strong with the Nursing Fu and he knows things and thinks flu shots are generally a really good idea.
lol Hey, Massage Therapist is the one who didn't get his shot! Normally I would listen to everything The Awesome Husband TM says just based solely on his cool code name, but my doctors mostly don't like me to take vaccines (for most things, not all). They usually say I am more likely to get sick from the shot itself than anything else. Not so much when I worked with kids, then we would fight about the flu shot because she thought I was more likely to get sick from the kids and it was worth the risk of getting sick from the shot. But now that I barely leave the house, she doesn't care anymore - shots are risky for me, besides the normal chance of getting whatever they are trying to prevent me from getting, I also have the weirdest reactions to things. Like a list of 72 possible side effects or allergy reactions to a medicine and I will end up having one that isn't on the list.
Anyways, you all go ahead and take the vaccine and then in the end, I will be here with Hot Italian Massage Therapist Geekboy...and you'll all be zombies. I have to say, even if you eventually eat my face - not a bad way to live out my end days.
edited because I couldn't seem to code your husband's code name
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Date: 2012-06-23 04:38 am (UTC)I don't think I'd migrate all the way to you as a zombie. Besides, we've promised that real love means shooting each other in the zombified brain pan, should the need arise.
DEFINITELY a good way to live out the end days!
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Date: 2012-06-26 02:48 am (UTC)Yep. My doctor and I fought about it every year when I worked in chld care.
Besides, we've promised that real love means shooting each other in the zombified brain pan, should the need arise.
I am glad you have a plan! I have told my sister that I have weighed the odds of my survival in a post-apocalyptic world and it doesn't look good. I mean, even if our awesome planning ahead gets me through to the part where the zombies/plagues/whatever are over, I don't see me really living long without my liver medicine. So I have graciously told her that when the time comes, she can feed me to the cats. I want to make sure she isn't alone for those years before she hooks back up with people again. ;)
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Date: 2012-06-26 01:02 pm (UTC)Good point about the liver medicine... and very thoughtful to donate your body to the cats.
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Date: 2012-06-28 12:03 am (UTC)Oh yeah, I figured it was a last ditch effort, like when you get bit - "Don't let me turn into one of those things." I figure you guys are well prepared to at least ride out the Great Panic. We have an inital plan and then a plan for later on down the road. Sometimes I think maybe I spend too much time thinking about the apocalypse, but I'm sure I won't think so when the actual apocalypse gets here and everyone else is panicking and I am just chillin' in my house rereading my Harry Potter books (I figure it'll take me the whole of the Great Panic to reread that series).
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Date: 2012-06-28 04:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-28 08:04 pm (UTC)It sounds like you are pretty well prepared! My sister always says that the thing that we will probably need our suppplies for is an extended blackout or something that stops up semitruck deliveries for awhile.
We have food for three months and water for about a month. Plus enough cat food for a month or two. And extra stuff like toilet paper and medical supplies. I only wish I was allowed to fill my prescriptions ahead of time so I could have at least an extra month's worth in the house.
It's fun, yet depressing at the same time. I hate the feeling that society is going to fall apart, but I also think that it's inevitable if things continue as they are. Maybe not zombies, but some equally shocking form of anarchy-inducing madness....
Saying 'zombies' just sounds better than saying 'societal-collaspe'.
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Date: 2012-06-29 03:46 am (UTC)Yes, zombies DO sound better than societal collapse. Though I'm fairly certain the latter would follow the former anyway!
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Date: 2012-06-29 06:38 pm (UTC)Hmmmm, maybe. It was a definite no-go with the pain pills and the steroids but I am not on those anymore, so maybe I could get extended prescriptions.
I'm always tempted to fib and say "I lost my scrip" so that I can have that three month cushion.... I Am The Bad Influence. :P
Lol It's true, you are, but that's why I love you.
Yes, zombies DO sound better than societal collapse. Though I'm fairly certain the latter would follow the former anyway!
True! But the world collasping due to lack of resources and extreme social divides just makes us all look bad. But then again, 'zombies' really is just some metaphor for all that anyways.
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Date: 2012-07-02 02:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-21 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-06-23 02:41 am (UTC)He is very cool and very sweet. I think he would fit right in with the people I hang out with.
I am currently in a discussion with
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Date: 2012-06-22 12:14 am (UTC)But asorable italian geek boys are awesome!
I basically adopted one as my little borther on twitter :-D He's such a little cutie :-D
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Date: 2012-06-23 02:45 am (UTC)I know you do, babe. /pats your little fangirl head/
Between his crazy hours at the new clinic and the fact that it is sports season again here and he is coaching all his kids' teams, we barely get to talk anymore.
But asorable italian geek boys are awesome!
He is too! He keeps telling me stories about his Italian mom - it is too cute.
Is your friend on twiter an American-Italian or is his like from Italy?
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Date: 2012-06-23 11:38 am (UTC)His name is Luca and he's ans SPN fanboy from Italy :-D
Makes me giggle like a 13 yo girl when a real italian guy says/writes "ciao" :-D
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Date: 2012-06-26 11:24 am (UTC)I miss Kevin too, but I'm very happy that we've now got a new star of your therapy stories and this one sounds like he'd make an excellent friend too! As for inviting him to the bbq, there's always the stopping in to the clinic and being all 'Oh, I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop in to invite you to a bbq' I realize you don't get really get out though so that might not work but it's the most casual thing I could come up with. I really hate the phone but will add my vote to an e-mail
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Date: 2012-06-28 12:11 am (UTC)I also believe that all the vaccines and sterilizing everything and not letting your kids be exposed to even dirt is what's gonna end up killing us all in the end. We're gonna go the way of the aliens from War of the Worlds, taken out by the common cold.
Dude! Excellent comparision! Way to use War of the Worlds in your argument.
As for inviting him to the bbq, there's always the stopping in to the clinic and being all 'Oh, I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop in to invite you to a bbq'
Yeah, the only time that I am ever on that side of town is on Sunday to see Grandpa.
I really hate the phone but will add my vote to an e-mail
I hate the phone too. I like it when it is someone I know really well like The BFF but I have to be on that level with them. People I barely know? Ugh, no. No matter how much I rehearse ahead of time, I always get nervous and forget half of why I called.
So, does looking up his work email on the clinic's website seem too stalkerish to you? I guess my real worry is that he will think I am asking him out and freak out. I don't know how to convey that I would be cool just to hang. I find it annoying that when I ask a girl to do something, she nevers thinks I am asking her out. And when I ask a guy to go do something, he always thinks I am asking him out.
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Date: 2012-06-28 11:25 am (UTC)I've graduated to finding it funny that females don't see it as a date invite and males do. See, cos then you get all chivalrous and sweet with the women and it's funny. To me anyway :D
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Date: 2012-06-29 07:01 pm (UTC)I'm assuming you're inviting Kevin and maybe Cherry? (is that the right name?)
I did invite them. It looks like Cherri (dude, it took me like six months to spell her name right!) is probably going on vacation that week since she seems to have conned Kevin into giving her a long weekend. But Kev and his family may show up.
I've graduated to finding it funny that females don't see it as a date invite and males do. See, cos then you get all chivalrous and sweet with the women and it's funny. To me anyway :D
That's true, it would be fun to get the women unexpectedly blushy. But it just makes dating hard. Or getting laid. More than anything, my family will all be at the cookout and they will all be like, "teeheehee" if I bring a guy. $20 bucks says that if Kevin shows up that I will get at least one comment from someone in my family about that hot guy I invited. Yet,
I wish you lived closer so you could come to my cookout, babe!
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Date: 2012-07-03 11:29 am (UTC)All that 'y' or 'i' spelling is a pain in the but, why can't names be easy to spell? Why must parents to weird things to their kids names?
But yay! for Kevin and his family stopping by. You are going to post a report of the event right? You know we all live for your humorous turn of phrase.
I'd like to loose all romantic assumptions regarding the person you're out with regardless of gender. It would go a long way toward tolerance imho. Tho I treat all outings like a date no matter if I'm with a male or female. Makes it all special, lol.
I think family will always teehee you no matter what, it's what they do and look at it this way, at least you only get teehee'd half as much as you could be.
I wish you lived closer so you could come to my cookout, babe! me too hun, I'd be there with deviled eggs and we'd have a blast. :D
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Date: 2012-07-09 07:36 pm (UTC)Why must parents to weird things to their kids names?
Idk! My parents spelled my proper name with one less 'e' than it is usually spelled and my nickname with one less 'd' than it is usually spelled. Just to be different, I guess, but no one ever spells my name right now.
You know we all live for your humorous turn of phrase.
ahahahaha That pleases me. ;) Unfortunately Kevin and his family didn't stop by - I am guessing due to the extreme heat. I haven't heard from him in a few weeks, but it's his turn to call me back this time.
I'd like to loose all romantic assumptions regarding the person you're out with regardless of gender. It would go a long way toward tolerance imho.
I agree. Sometimes weird things bother me - like when one of the adults says to one of the little boys in the family, "Do you have a girlfriend at school?". I feel like that is automatically making them think, "I have to date girls". With 12 boys in my extended family's youngest generation, the odds that one of them is going to be gay is pretty high. Do we have to make it harder for this kid by constantly putting it in his head that he needs a girlfriend?
I think family will always teehee you no matter what,
That's the truth. But then my mom is weird the other way - when I actually had a sort-of-boyfriend and I lived with my mom, she would just come up into my apartment while he was over and it never occurred to her maybe she should not. /shakes head/
me too hun, I'd be there with deviled eggs and we'd have a blast. :D
I love deviled eggs!
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Date: 2012-07-31 07:08 am (UTC)I don't know if you ended up inviting him or not, since I'm way behind on everything, but I hope you did. He sounds like a great guy. Also, yay for zombies!
I dreamed about zombies who turned into little old ladies when you shone a flashlight on them. I'm apparently scared of old people. I blame Doctor Who.
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Date: 2012-08-05 07:45 pm (UTC)LOL That would be the definition of 'long distance relationship'.
I just don't have the energy to invest in 'dating' someone and asking people out never works in my favor - but I would def sex him up, if the opportunity arose. You know, invite him over to play a little Wii, have a few beers, everyone gets sweaty and hot and then people have to take off their clothes and...dude, I read waaaaaay to much fanfic, don't I?
I didn't end up inviting him. I went back and forth on it enough that I figured if I was having that much trouble deciding, I just shouldn't do it. My mom used to get stalkerish with guys a lot, so I always err on the side of caution when it comes to things like that. Plus, I will be at therapy on and off for years - if we are meant to be friends, it'll happen on its own, right?
I dreamed about zombies who turned into little old ladies when you shone a flashlight on them. I'm apparently scared of old people. I blame Doctor Who.
ahahahaha Dude. I am right there with you. Little old ladies can be scary as hell. Especially little old lady ghosts. But little old lady zombies are scary too!
PS: It just occurred to me that all the scary little old lady ghosts I was picturing in my head were all wearing nightgowns. Why are they scarier in nightgowns?
ugh, coding is hard, I'll stop spamming you with edits on this one.
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Date: 2012-09-01 07:31 am (UTC)Haha, oh yeah. Is there such a thing as VERY long distance relationship? Like, do you get extra points if they're on the other side of the globe? (I just wrote "on the other side of the glove". I wonder if that's an euphemism? :p)
You know, invite him over to play a little Wii, have a few beers, everyone gets sweaty and hot and then people have to take off their clothes and...dude, I read waaaaaay to much fanfic, don't I?
This made me laugh SO hard! But isn't that how it works? I mean, getting sweaty over Wii=sexy!times, right? I might read way too much fanfic, too...
Plus, I will be at therapy on and off for years - if we are meant to be friends, it'll happen on its own, right?
I'm sure it will, and then maybe next time there's a party you'll feel comfortable inviting him. :)
It just occurred to me that all the scary little old lady ghosts I was picturing in my head were all wearing nightgowns. Why are they scarier in nightgowns?
Nightgowns are scary shit! I don't know why. Maybe because I've never seen anyone wearing one in real life, so it's all mythical and stuff? :p
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Date: 2012-09-11 01:06 am (UTC)I think so. Bonus points for crossing an ocean!
(I just wrote "on the other side of the glove". I wonder if that's an euphemism? :p)
Well, I have heard people refer to condoms as 'gloves' - "make sure you wear a glove" - so yep, totally an euphemism!
I'm sure it will, and then maybe next time there's a party you'll feel comfortable inviting him. :)
Ugh. He got transferred to a different clinic. We were both so sad about it and then I left Kevin a voicemail message where I just yelled at him that he is a ruiner and that he should know to check with me before he makes these important business decisions! I need to make a post about it because it does turn into one of those funny therapy stories that everyone loves so much, despite the fact that sometimes when my neck hurts I miss Cute Massage Therapist SO MUCH.
Nightgowns are scary shit! I don't know why. Maybe because I've never seen anyone wearing one in real life, so it's all mythical and stuff? :p
I saw JDM's scary movie the other day (AWESOME, btw) and the little girl in it (the one who is possessed) was wearing a nightgown and I literally thought to myself, "What 9 year old kid wears a nightgown in 2012? Shouldn't she be wearing a set of Hannah Montana pjs or something?" and then I thought about this conversation with you. Hey, I was at the movies watching John Winchester and I thought of you, bb!
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Date: 2012-09-14 08:22 am (UTC)Basically, anything can be an euphemism. I approve.
Ugh. He got transferred to a different clinic.
What? No! Oh, that sucks, bb. :( And I would love to read you story about yelling at Keviin. :)
Hey, I was at the movies watching John Winchester and I thought of you, bb!
Aw! That's awesome. And I agree, Hanna Montana pjs would have made much more sense. Maybe she would have been less scary then, though? Just a little bit? *giggle*