One Foot In Front.

I am so tired, you guys, but I just want to post this and hit the hay. So like IDK what the last thing was I told you all, but Mom found a surgeon willing to do her open heart surgery. His basic attitude was that it's a high risk, but one she should take. Which is what Mom wants anyways. I mean, he was kind of like she could not do the surgery and live another six months, year, whatever, but eventually she will for sure die and sooner rather than later. Or she can do the surgery and either it will kill her or she'll get another ten years or whatever. But her thought process is basically, "So do nothing, get maybe two years but of crappy health and no life quality. Or risk it and either die or get years more and good years at that. Better years." That logic is sound. She is in her right mind and understands she may die from the surgery, but she is willing to take that chance because as she has said, This is no way to live.

Anyways, they were scheduled to do it on Tuesday the 22nd, next week, but she had her pre ops today and it all looked good and they had an opening for tomorrow, so they fit her in. (Wait, no, it's after midnight, so today, Thursday, the 17th, 9:30am). Mom is thrilled to finally get it over with. I am nervous and kind of thrown for a loop - I don't do well with schedule changes! And Christmas is basically ruined, but whatever. We'll do it with the kids eventually, I guess. Idk, I feel like the month or so after the surgery is going to be so stressful and hectic as is, we could have done without this schedule loop on top of it.

Her big risk is infection in the week or so after the surgery but the anesthetic during surgery is also a risk, has been an issue for her breathing-wise in the past. And then her not willing to do her rehab - (which was an issue with her shoulder recovery, tbh) - could result in her heart just giving out on her. So yeah, surgery is the Big Day, but we can't even say like, oh if she makes it through the first 24 hours we are all good, because that's not true. Every day from here on out counts and she has months of fight ahead of her, so she better fucking fight.

Sis brought her to the house today so me and Winston could see her, which was nice, and otherwise I wouldn't have gotten to see her beforehand. But, yeah, I'll put up a quick ETA post once she is out of recovery and in ICU tomorrow. Now to quiet my nerves and anxiety and get a few hours of sleep. <3s

In Front Of The Other.

Still have phone calls to make, so just copy and pasting my mass email here, this may be the shortest post I've ever made.

---Moms surgery went well, 5 bypasses in total holy crap, but doctor is happy with her, oxygen and bp stuff all good, in ICU, still on respirator prob until tomorrow, will have someone up there with her everyday through the weekend. Now just crossing our fingers on no infections and I think we might be good! Thank you for all your messages - they made me stupid cry like a pussy, but I appreciate them!---

(no, really, every new text/IM/tumblr ask/email/LJ comment that came in, I caught myself saying out loud, "You guys, awww, you guys." I appreciate all the support, for real.)