Hugs. Sorry to hear that she's not helping herself. (I'm wondering if a psychiatrist or psychologist could go out there, assess her, and maybe some therapy and some anti-depressants would help? It's also got to be frustrating that your body is rebelling against you, and you can't do what you used to.)
Mom actually has untreated mental illnesses that she has always refused to get diagnosed. Bipolar for sure, but possibly Borderline Personality Disorder. She has told her GP several times that she is depressed and he keeps saying, "Well, of course you are, look at what you're going through!" and then not doing anything. I mean, just because her depression is 'warranted' (whatever that means, all depression is warranted) doesn't mean she shouldn't get treatment for it. Something to take the edge off, and someone to talk to about her frustrations, so she doesn't put it all on us kids. We tried to get her an assessment in the rehab but they said they don't do that kind of thing and since her GP is being uncooperative, we're kind of at a stand still on it. Her GP could prescribe something like Lexapro but Mom refuses to ask for it. It's the mental illness cycle - when you are in the thick of it, you like it, you thrive on it, you don't see how bad it is, so you won't ask for the help you clearly need. There's a part of her that knows this isn't the right way to live - every once in awhile she'll admit it to us - but the rest of her loves the drama and craves it and doesn't really want change.
Also wondering if there is some way you and your siblings could get together and have her sent to some sort of assisted living facility. That way she'd have someone around to talk to (other residents) and there would be staff to help with her needs.
We can't afford it. It cost over $3k a month and is not covered by Medicare/Medicaid. She either has to medically qualify for a nursing home (which she is just a shy bit too healthy for) or she has to go home and rely on nonprofits and family to help her. We are trying to see if she qualifies for Chore Care (home help) that the government would pay for (the way they pay my sister to do my shopping and bathing, etc) so hopefully either we can take some of the chores/etc off of my aunt's shoulders or my aunt can keep doing it but actually get paid for it.
OTOH, those places can be expensive. Y'all might have to sell her home and such to get her enough funds.
If we sold her home, it would only pay for about 20 months of living costs at assisted living, if that even. Which she may not live that long, but she very well may.
And Medicare sucks. My mom does better when she has psychical therapy, but Medicare doesn't want to pay for much. Or they want to see great improvement, but my mom is never going to be able to get out of a wheelchair on her own.
Mom is getting home physical therapy, but a lot of times they get there and she tells them she doesn't feel good enough to do it and they won't push her the way the rehab physical therapists did.
Omg, I know about the 'not paying without improvement' thing. Back in the day, I remember my PT doctoring my file to make it look like I was showing improvement, just so I could keep coming, because insurance doesn't understand about 'maintenance'. Like I won't get better, but keep me in PT and stop me from getting worse. Because if I get worse and can't walk, then I end up in a nursing home and a nursing home is hella way more expensive for my insurance to pay for then sending me to PT once a week. Now they have loosened the reigns a bit and allow for maintenance PT, but only up to a certain $ amount. I had to pay for 2 months worth last year because I ran out of $ on my insurance, but luckily my clinic has 'emergency circumstance' payment so my cost was less and I pay on it for the next two years on a plan.
no subject
Mom actually has untreated mental illnesses that she has always refused to get diagnosed. Bipolar for sure, but possibly Borderline Personality Disorder. She has told her GP several times that she is depressed and he keeps saying, "Well, of course you are, look at what you're going through!" and then not doing anything. I mean, just because her depression is 'warranted' (whatever that means, all depression is warranted) doesn't mean she shouldn't get treatment for it. Something to take the edge off, and someone to talk to about her frustrations, so she doesn't put it all on us kids. We tried to get her an assessment in the rehab but they said they don't do that kind of thing and since her GP is being uncooperative, we're kind of at a stand still on it. Her GP could prescribe something like Lexapro but Mom refuses to ask for it. It's the mental illness cycle - when you are in the thick of it, you like it, you thrive on it, you don't see how bad it is, so you won't ask for the help you clearly need. There's a part of her that knows this isn't the right way to live - every once in awhile she'll admit it to us - but the rest of her loves the drama and craves it and doesn't really want change.
Also wondering if there is some way you and your siblings could get together and have her sent to some sort of assisted living facility. That way she'd have someone around to talk to (other residents) and there would be staff to help with her needs.
We can't afford it. It cost over $3k a month and is not covered by Medicare/Medicaid. She either has to medically qualify for a nursing home (which she is just a shy bit too healthy for) or she has to go home and rely on nonprofits and family to help her. We are trying to see if she qualifies for Chore Care (home help) that the government would pay for (the way they pay my sister to do my shopping and bathing, etc) so hopefully either we can take some of the chores/etc off of my aunt's shoulders or my aunt can keep doing it but actually get paid for it.
OTOH, those places can be expensive. Y'all might have to sell her home and such to get her enough funds.
If we sold her home, it would only pay for about 20 months of living costs at assisted living, if that even. Which she may not live that long, but she very well may.
And Medicare sucks. My mom does better when she has psychical therapy, but Medicare doesn't want to pay for much. Or they want to see great improvement, but my mom is never going to be able to get out of a wheelchair on her own.
Mom is getting home physical therapy, but a lot of times they get there and she tells them she doesn't feel good enough to do it and they won't push her the way the rehab physical therapists did.
Omg, I know about the 'not paying without improvement' thing. Back in the day, I remember my PT doctoring my file to make it look like I was showing improvement, just so I could keep coming, because insurance doesn't understand about 'maintenance'. Like I won't get better, but keep me in PT and stop me from getting worse. Because if I get worse and can't walk, then I end up in a nursing home and a nursing home is hella way more expensive for my insurance to pay for then sending me to PT once a week. Now they have loosened the reigns a bit and allow for maintenance PT, but only up to a certain $ amount. I had to pay for 2 months worth last year because I ran out of $ on my insurance, but luckily my clinic has 'emergency circumstance' payment so my cost was less and I pay on it for the next two years on a plan.
edited for major typo