It's Sexist, That's What It Is.

[dodger_sister]

Why are so many people of the opinion that being a stay-at-home dad is ‘doing nothing’? You should hear some of the things people in my family say about my little brother, just because he doesn’t have a ‘job’. It’s so sexist. If it were his wife who chose to stay home and take care of the kids, she’d be doing her duty as a wife and mother. But because he, a man, that society has set up as the breadwinner, is staying at home to care for the house and kids - (and two elderly parents, as well as volunteering at a soup kitchen) - suddenly it’s ‘doing nothing’. It irks me to no end. It’s basically saying, “Man make money, Man pay bills, Woman rear children, Woman get back in kitchen.”

My brother worked construction for ten years. His wife worked at the same fast food place all through high school. When they had their kid, they made a choice together that she would work and he would stay home. Construction is not a consistent job - he’d work 60 hour weeks for two weeks and then not work again for a month. That’s not possible to make money on an even scale that way. They tried both working for awhile, but with the construction gig, it wasn’t worth it to pay for the full-time spot at daycare for The Nephew when my brother wouldn’t be working regular hours. My S-I-L was being offered management positions and consistent promotions and it made more financial sense this way. My brother still picks up weekend gigs whenever his old construction crew is on a deadline, but he has a full-time job raising those kids. And running a household.

My mom called him the other day and he was all, “I can’t talk right now, Mom, I’m making dinner,” and she said, “Why are you making dinner? Your wife doesn’t make dinner?” My brother was shocked to hear her ask that, after he’s been a stay-at-home dad for almost nine years now. He was all, “No, she works. I run the house. I have to feed the kids, give the baby a bath, help my son with his homework, put the baby to bed and then do the laundry.” My mom scoffed at that, the idea that he did all of that, that his wife didn’t work a full-time mangers job and also run the house. What does she think he does with his time then? My cousin was here tonight and I was saying that Mom has been driving my brother nuts, calling him all the time, and my cousin was all, “Good. It’s not like he does anything else with his time.”

I am so offended! I am offended on my brother’s behalf and on the behalf of all stay-at-home dads and on the behalf of women, because apparently we belong in the kitchen and not men. Now if you'll excuse me, I apparently have to get back in the kitchen and make someone a sandwich.

Comments

[shirebound]

I'm sorry to hear that he's not getting the support he deserves.

[crucis01.livejournal.com]

You are so spot on with this. I was a stay at home mom till my kids started school and you would not believe the crap I heard. "Oh you don't have a real job?" " It must be nice to stay home and do nothing all day!" etc.
Your brother is proving himself a better dad than many out there. For what it's worth I think he rocks! He's taken on one of the toughest, if not THE toughest job in the world. Remind him it's also one of the most rewarding emotionally he will ever do. Hugs and kudos from me.

[vikingprincess]

My husband's family has that jackassey attitude toward his younger brother, who handles home schooling, home management, and a custom furniture business on the side. It's pretty infuriating.

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

He should be applauded not got at.

[ceitfianna]

Your brother is awesome and your family is being stupid. Its wonderful that he stays at home. My brother and his wife balance two jobs between them with school and other stuff and its stressful. *hugs*

[mosinging1986.livejournal.com]

(Here randomly from LJ Home Page)

Your brother's amazing! It must be so frustrating to hear that crap all the time, but tell him not to believe it!

[bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com]

Ouch! I'll agree with you.

[lizibabes.livejournal.com]

What total bullshit. I think having kids and running a house is one of the hardest, most full on jobs there is. It's full time, no breaks.

When me and my brother were little my mum was in the hospital for a long time (brain hemorrhage) And my dad told her after he couldn't believe how hard a job it was, how it never stopped.

I'm offended for all the same reasons as you. Your brother does a hard job, people should get that, and they should get that it's not automatically the woman's job, or her 'place'

I've probably told you I trained as a chef, I got enough women belong in the kitchen, oh look she knows her place, make me a sandwich jokes to last a life time ugh

your brother sounds awesome.

[phyllis2779.livejournal.com]

Right on. For a lot of folks (of all ages), the 19th century never ended. Or maybe they're stuck in the 1950's. Sigh. What's right for one family, is right for them and not necessarily for anyone else. Everyone should be able to make their own choices as to how they structure their family life (as long as no one gets hurt).

[wolfrider89.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I'm pissed off too! That is fucked up. :( All the kudos in the world to your brother, he seems like an awesome dude and he shoulde be proud of the work he's doing. Raising kids is like one of the most important things a person can do, imo.

[matrixmann]

That's really sexist.

[matchboximpala.livejournal.com]

I am offended for both your brother and SIL. The idea that they think he sits around doing nothing all day is super offensive. Equally offensive is the idea that your SIL has to play the homemaker role even though she is the primary breadwinner. Must be so frustrating for them to hear this crap -- and for you.