It's Sexist, That's What It Is.

[dodger_sister]

Why are so many people of the opinion that being a stay-at-home dad is ‘doing nothing’? You should hear some of the things people in my family say about my little brother, just because he doesn’t have a ‘job’. It’s so sexist. If it were his wife who chose to stay home and take care of the kids, she’d be doing her duty as a wife and mother. But because he, a man, that society has set up as the breadwinner, is staying at home to care for the house and kids - (and two elderly parents, as well as volunteering at a soup kitchen) - suddenly it’s ‘doing nothing’. It irks me to no end. It’s basically saying, “Man make money, Man pay bills, Woman rear children, Woman get back in kitchen.”

My brother worked construction for ten years. His wife worked at the same fast food place all through high school. When they had their kid, they made a choice together that she would work and he would stay home. Construction is not a consistent job - he’d work 60 hour weeks for two weeks and then not work again for a month. That’s not possible to make money on an even scale that way. They tried both working for awhile, but with the construction gig, it wasn’t worth it to pay for the full-time spot at daycare for The Nephew when my brother wouldn’t be working regular hours. My S-I-L was being offered management positions and consistent promotions and it made more financial sense this way. My brother still picks up weekend gigs whenever his old construction crew is on a deadline, but he has a full-time job raising those kids. And running a household.

My mom called him the other day and he was all, “I can’t talk right now, Mom, I’m making dinner,” and she said, “Why are you making dinner? Your wife doesn’t make dinner?” My brother was shocked to hear her ask that, after he’s been a stay-at-home dad for almost nine years now. He was all, “No, she works. I run the house. I have to feed the kids, give the baby a bath, help my son with his homework, put the baby to bed and then do the laundry.” My mom scoffed at that, the idea that he did all of that, that his wife didn’t work a full-time mangers job and also run the house. What does she think he does with his time then? My cousin was here tonight and I was saying that Mom has been driving my brother nuts, calling him all the time, and my cousin was all, “Good. It’s not like he does anything else with his time.”

I am so offended! I am offended on my brother’s behalf and on the behalf of all stay-at-home dads and on the behalf of women, because apparently we belong in the kitchen and not men. Now if you'll excuse me, I apparently have to get back in the kitchen and make someone a sandwich.

Comments

[wolfrider89.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I'm pissed off too! That is fucked up. :( All the kudos in the world to your brother, he seems like an awesome dude and he shoulde be proud of the work he's doing. Raising kids is like one of the most important things a person can do, imo.

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I'm pissed off too! That is fucked up. :( All the kudos in the world to your brother, he seems like an awesome dude and he shoulde be proud of the work he's doing. Raising kids is like one of the most important things a person can do, imo.

I know my brother is no saint and he certainly could work on some issues, but he loves those kids and he teaches them so many good things, like when he takes my nephew to the soup kitchen to feed the homeless or to plant trees on Earth Day. My dad barely noticed us unless it was time for him to coach one of us in a sport - (which means he never noticed me) - and here my brother is being so involved in his kids lives. When they got a crate of discounted comics for The Nephew for Christmas, my brother read every single one of those comics (a whole crate) just so he could weed out the ones that weren't appropriate. Like what Dad does that? I feel like so much of the judging in this family is based on actions my brother took when he was drunk. He is an alcoholic. But he has been sober for over 6 years now. He got sober for his family, because he love his wife and kid. No one in my family gives him credit for that and now they see him staying home to 'do nothing' and they judge him. They don't know anything about him, but they still judge him.

[wolfrider89.livejournal.com]

Those are a lot of really good things your brother is doing. My dad stayed home with me for a year after I was born (we have paid parental leave in Sweden) and let me tell you, it really, really makes a difference in the realtionship with the kid. I whish more dads got the opportunity to be close to their kids, it's really important stuff.

I'm really sorry your family isn't giving him any credit for either staying sober or raising his kids, that really sucks. :(