Just Shove Your Hands Between My Legs.
Aug. 24th, 2011 12:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dodger_sisterNow I shall talk about the cute guy at therapy, who for the purpose of this post, we shall refer to as Cute Guy.
There is this guy; early 20s maybe, tall, dark hair, real cute, that works as an aide at therapy. I had never seen him before, but when he came out to get me in the waiting room, I was like oh, cute guy, get his name since you flirted for weeks with the last cute guy and didn't know his name! I introduced myself and shook his hand. Then Cute Guy was my aide on the machines and we made nice small talk. I totally behaved myself and everything, because I don't just randomly jump every person I think is remotely cute. I DON'T, I SWEAR! Afterwards, well, the tables are too high for me to get up onto, so Kevin usually lifts me, right? Cherri tells Cute Guy to go get Kevin to lift me and all I said was, "I think Cute Guy can handle it." And Cherri says, "Oh. OH!" and then yells across the room, "Wait, Cute Guy, come back! /whispers/ I don't think about stuff like that, I've been married too long."
What...was I leering when I said it? Was I thinking about guys who can pick me up like Jayne Cobb and Jared Padalecki? Was I? Yes, probably. And okay, maybe I asked Cute Guy when he started working there and when he said, "September," I answered with, "What? Really? How have I not noticed you before this? I think I would have noticed you," but neither Kevin nor Cherri witnessed that. Now every time Cute Guy is there, Kevin is all, "Do you want me to go get him to work with you on this?" and one day it was all, "Omg, I think he just came on shift!" in his faux-teenage-girl voice and then bounced on his toes like a dork. I finally yelled at him to stop being a dick and then he yelled at me to stop yelling at him in front of his clients.
Thank god Kevin didn't know all the crushes I had in high school, because high-school-me would have been insanely embarrassed if he had been giving me a hard time about a crush in front of people. I also possibly would have had to go vandalize the building, as teenagers are apt to do. As it is now, I just tell him to shut his face, because I'm not embarrassed. But then, Cute Guy stopped making eye contact with me ever after that.
See, Cute Guy is the one embarrassed. Not me. I have no shame.
They also got a New Guy who is pretty good-looking, but not nearly as cute as Cute Guy and Kevin was like, "You haven't even said anything about our new guy yet," like I go around making lewd comments about him and/or his employees or something.
Oh.
Right.
I told him flat out that New Guy wasn't as hot as Cute Guy, and then I told the girls they had to start telling Kevin how good-looking he is and stroke his ego a little, because he was starting to feel insecure with everyone gushing over the new guy all the time. Poor Kevin.
When I was asking Kevin if we could possibly borrow his truck to help my mom move and trying to determine if any of his kids were available to help with the move, he was all, "Don't you want Cute Guy to help too? Because the rule is when men help move furniture, they have to take off their shirts." I realized that calling him a douchebag wasn't working, so I decided to change tactics and just tell the truth. So I said, "Yes, actually, I tried to figure a way to get him there, because that is the rule about men and moving, but Cute Guy is a grown-up who has a real job and doesn't work for $20, unlike your kids, who will do it because you told them they had too. Trust me, I tried to figure a way to get Cute Guy there."
Kevin shut up after that. It was very rewarding.
Yesterday, Kevin had stepped out when I got there and I somehow ended up working with Cute Guy and the first thing he asked me was if I had seen Cowboys & Aliens. We talked about it and about how I want to see Shark Night 3D, and it was perfectly fine, but Kevin wasn’t there to smirk at me the whole time, so… And finally, the Cute Guy story wraps up with him trying to get the heat wrap around my hip and me going, "Listen, Cute Guy, here's the deal. Just shove your hands between my legs, okay? Just go for it." He turned pink. It was adorable. I’m a horrible person.
Honestly, that was only like 1/4 of the stories from therapy. Since today's LJ question was something about, "What was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?" or whatever...I probably should have used this post to tell you the really nice story I had about Kevin and nice things he has said to me, as that is one of the stories I intend to share anyway. But, instead, I talked about Cute Guy. There you have it.
I away now.
There is this guy; early 20s maybe, tall, dark hair, real cute, that works as an aide at therapy. I had never seen him before, but when he came out to get me in the waiting room, I was like oh, cute guy, get his name since you flirted for weeks with the last cute guy and didn't know his name! I introduced myself and shook his hand. Then Cute Guy was my aide on the machines and we made nice small talk. I totally behaved myself and everything, because I don't just randomly jump every person I think is remotely cute. I DON'T, I SWEAR! Afterwards, well, the tables are too high for me to get up onto, so Kevin usually lifts me, right? Cherri tells Cute Guy to go get Kevin to lift me and all I said was, "I think Cute Guy can handle it." And Cherri says, "Oh. OH!" and then yells across the room, "Wait, Cute Guy, come back! /whispers/ I don't think about stuff like that, I've been married too long."
What...was I leering when I said it? Was I thinking about guys who can pick me up like Jayne Cobb and Jared Padalecki? Was I? Yes, probably. And okay, maybe I asked Cute Guy when he started working there and when he said, "September," I answered with, "What? Really? How have I not noticed you before this? I think I would have noticed you," but neither Kevin nor Cherri witnessed that. Now every time Cute Guy is there, Kevin is all, "Do you want me to go get him to work with you on this?" and one day it was all, "Omg, I think he just came on shift!" in his faux-teenage-girl voice and then bounced on his toes like a dork. I finally yelled at him to stop being a dick and then he yelled at me to stop yelling at him in front of his clients.
Thank god Kevin didn't know all the crushes I had in high school, because high-school-me would have been insanely embarrassed if he had been giving me a hard time about a crush in front of people. I also possibly would have had to go vandalize the building, as teenagers are apt to do. As it is now, I just tell him to shut his face, because I'm not embarrassed. But then, Cute Guy stopped making eye contact with me ever after that.
See, Cute Guy is the one embarrassed. Not me. I have no shame.
They also got a New Guy who is pretty good-looking, but not nearly as cute as Cute Guy and Kevin was like, "You haven't even said anything about our new guy yet," like I go around making lewd comments about him and/or his employees or something.
Oh.
Right.
I told him flat out that New Guy wasn't as hot as Cute Guy, and then I told the girls they had to start telling Kevin how good-looking he is and stroke his ego a little, because he was starting to feel insecure with everyone gushing over the new guy all the time. Poor Kevin.
When I was asking Kevin if we could possibly borrow his truck to help my mom move and trying to determine if any of his kids were available to help with the move, he was all, "Don't you want Cute Guy to help too? Because the rule is when men help move furniture, they have to take off their shirts." I realized that calling him a douchebag wasn't working, so I decided to change tactics and just tell the truth. So I said, "Yes, actually, I tried to figure a way to get him there, because that is the rule about men and moving, but Cute Guy is a grown-up who has a real job and doesn't work for $20, unlike your kids, who will do it because you told them they had too. Trust me, I tried to figure a way to get Cute Guy there."
Kevin shut up after that. It was very rewarding.
Yesterday, Kevin had stepped out when I got there and I somehow ended up working with Cute Guy and the first thing he asked me was if I had seen Cowboys & Aliens. We talked about it and about how I want to see Shark Night 3D, and it was perfectly fine, but Kevin wasn’t there to smirk at me the whole time, so… And finally, the Cute Guy story wraps up with him trying to get the heat wrap around my hip and me going, "Listen, Cute Guy, here's the deal. Just shove your hands between my legs, okay? Just go for it." He turned pink. It was adorable. I’m a horrible person.
Honestly, that was only like 1/4 of the stories from therapy. Since today's LJ question was something about, "What was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?" or whatever...I probably should have used this post to tell you the really nice story I had about Kevin and nice things he has said to me, as that is one of the stories I intend to share anyway. But, instead, I talked about Cute Guy. There you have it.
I away now.
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no subject
Date: 2011-08-24 07:52 am (UTC)I could read your RL stories for hours :-D
Poor Cute Guy, you really have no shame (but I love you for it) :-D
SOOO awesome :-D
You can tell Kevin that he sounds sexy to me ;-) (and it wouldn't be creepy at all, nope, not even a little...a random chick from Europe who haven't ever seen him :-D)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 01:04 am (UTC)Well, considering I once had a conversation with Kevin about cross-dressing - I figure Cute Guy is actually getting off pretty easy when it comes to the things that often come out of my mouth! lol
You can tell Kevin that he sounds sexy to me ;-) (and it wouldn't be creepy at all, nope, not even a little...a random chick from Europe who haven't ever seen him :-D)
Nope, not creepy at all. lol I told Kevin that my friends on the internet all think he is hysterical and adorable, so clearly, I must be telling the story wrong. He said, "Yeah, I don't feel bad about that at all."
no subject
Date: 2011-08-24 11:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 12:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-24 12:10 pm (UTC)I now love Kevin stories. Sounds like he's willing to be a co-squee-er, which is just adorable :-)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 01:16 am (UTC)Oh man, I wish. Kevin is definitely not Jayne Cobb - though if I can take a step back from the fact that I have known him for 20 years, I can say that he is a pretty attractive guy, for sure. And capable of lifting me onto a table (bonus), but not carrying me around (would have been a better bonus).
Cute Guy, on the other hand, is probably capable of carrying me around. He's well over 6 foot tall but nowhere near Jayne Cobb-sized, and certainly not built like it. If I had to pick a Hollywood comparision, I'd say Xander from Buffy. He's got the hair and Nicky Brendon's glasses and the body type for a valid Xander comparision. Which, while being no Jayne Cobb, is nothing to sneeze at.
Basically though, anytime I think about anyone picking me up, my brain immediately heads to my space-husband, Jayne Cobb. Hell, half the time my brain is already there anyways. ;)
I think I must be telling these Kevin-stories all wrong! No, no, he is a pain in my ass! Except for the part where I love him, but whatever. ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-24 01:08 pm (UTC)That was a very amusing way to start my day. Thanks for that :)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 01:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-24 01:53 pm (UTC)have balls....wait no....Are. Awesome. I can't even imagine saying that. You totally have no shame A+.
This whole post is so amusing :)
And I thought this was the cutest: "I don't think about stuff like that, I've been married too long." XD
Kevin sounds adorable ngl. Personality is half the attraction :)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 01:25 am (UTC)Cherri cracks me up, because I swear I hadn't even said anything about Cute Guy and she just read it all over my face. She also probbaly doesn't even comprehend Cute Guy as an object of attraction, since he is young enough to be her son (though that also would not bother me!)
What? No! I must be telling these stories wrong - Kevin keeps coming off way more awesome than he is!
Okay, he is actually that aweosme, don't tell him I said that.no subject
Date: 2011-08-28 04:35 am (UTC)LOL. When I see a cute guy I usually don't give people a chance to read it in my face, I just start nudging my friends and waggling my eyebrows in their general direction....That is to say that I am always acting like a mature adult. Everyday.
Haha, your stories are always told perfectly, stop being mean to Kevin lol.
woops, writing him letters and emailing him screencaps of this post alreadyno subject
Date: 2011-08-24 06:21 pm (UTC)So you need to stay shameless and post about it, makes me smile lol
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 01:29 am (UTC)I am on it! If you insist, I will say inappropriate things to all the hot guys, just for you.
and for me toono subject
Date: 2011-08-27 11:03 pm (UTC)If he's cute, blushes and doesn't run away it's obviously your job to make him blush more(give every one something pretty to look at lol)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-25 04:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 01:34 am (UTC)Too be fair, if I thought I had a chance in hell with Cute Guy, I wouldn't even be able to make eye contact with him. But since I am not actually attempting to get him to notice me, I just say whatever the hell comes to mind. It's kind of liberating.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-25 07:49 pm (UTC)I'm with
You can tell Kevin that to me, he sounds like an awesome person, and he's probably really hot. ;)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 01:39 am (UTC)Thank you, baby! Sometimes I think I don't post enough, but I guess I make up for it by being very funny whenever I do post. That makes me all happy inside.
I told Kevin that all of my internet friends are traitors who think he is hysterical and adorable and he said, "I don't feel bad about that at all." I'll try to be objective and not like, "but he's almost like my brother, omg!" and actually say that Kevin is a good-looking guy. If I have to hear my grandmother tell me one more time what a good-looking guy Kevin is, I might freak out - but there you have it.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 06:23 pm (UTC)It's just, whatever you write about, you manage to make it an enjoyable read. So yeah, you're awesome. :)
*giggle* Kevin has fans!
no subject
Date: 2011-08-28 01:12 am (UTC)Awww, I'm all stupid grin now.
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Date: 2011-08-26 02:18 am (UTC)Just shove your hands between my legs, okay? Just go for it I'm gonna be giggling about this all night. :D
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 01:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 12:47 am (UTC)Maybe he's secretly taking lessons from you on how to be a giant perv? You could be influencing the minds of today's youth!