My Boyfriend Will Smite You, Bitches!

[dodger_sister]

It's been nearly two weeks, so it's time to make our official announcement - I am, in fact, dating Chuck Shurley.

Suck on it, ladies.

Now for all you nay-sayers who are going "But, um, Dodger? Chuck isn't a real person." - I say "My boyfriend will smite you down with his thunderous hand."

Okay, so my sister has Sims 3. It's been in game play for about three weeks now. And just over a week ago, the Dodger Sim got her first boyfriend. CHUCK FREAKING SHURLEY!

That's right, ladies. I am dating Carver Edlund, famed cult novelist of the Supernatural books. I take good care of my baby, in exchange for which, I get to see the first drafts of all of his works. I will know things that are going to happen to Sam and Dean before you. My fan-fiction will rule the internets. I will be the BNF of the world. Because my boyfriend is CHUCK FREAKING SHURLEY.

He is also very cute, doesn't require that I wear pants, always has whiskey on hand, and has these random but very cute guys (one in a trenchcoat even though it's summer which is weird but he's yummy, so whatever) who stop over often. (They usually make my boyfriend all blundery and nervous, but they don't wig when I stare at their pretty faces, or perv on their car, and they insist I do better about it than Chuck's last girlfriend - whose name we don't ever mention because who does she think she is? My Wincest is better than hers anyway!)

Um - yeah. In Sims 1, the Dodger Sim randomly showed up at the bar or the dance club with a variety of boyfriends and in the original game she played on Sims 3, the Dodger Sim had a lifetime goal of having 10 boyfriends. And yet, I didn't get as excited about dating Orlando Bloom, Joey Tribbani, Shawn Spencer, Logan James (who I apparently had a child with, wtf), Jayne Cobb, Krusty the Klown (who totally replaced Orlando as my #1 dance competition partner - we ruled the floor, baby), Geoffrey Shawcross...you get the idea. Many of them I dated at the same time, to fulfill my ultimate goal of having ten boyfriends.

And still, somehow, dating Chuck seems better than all of that combined. Also, as my goal is still to have ten boyfriends, I think given that it is Chuck and all, shouldn't he count as like four boyfriends? I think he should.

Besides, I find myself hoping that Dodger Sim doesn't actually date anyone else. Oh My God, did I just say that? I don't want to be the whore of Simville? What? I want to be like in a serious relationship where I am loyal to someone? menel and liptonrm, you guys just totally fell off your seats, didn't you?

But it's Chuck. I mean, it's Chuck.

Also, someone has put a crib in my house. I think she maybe trying to tell Chuck and I something. We are very busy writing the next Supernatural book/fan-fiction based on the next Supernatural book, so we haven't gotten on that yet. I find it a much better idea than when I randomly had a baby with Logan, The Wolverine, who I don't think I was even really dating.

Although, I'm not sure Chuck and I are ready for a baby, though it would be exciting. If we do and it is a girl, I would like to name it Ava, for my grandmother. If it is a boy, I think we should name it Gabriel (there isn't a Gabriel in the game!). Also, I live with Karen Walker and she is dating both Evil Councilman Mark Pellegrino and The Evil Djinn. And I think I would be more amused if Karen used the crib and had a child with either of her boyfriends, especially if the Djinn baby came out blue.

Then I was discussing with the bff at the eye doctor, genderswap. She was reading a Always-a-Girl story and discussing how that was a different type of genderswap than the kind I had been trying out. I said that the one I found that I had liked the best, had Gabriel as a female stripper, but I don't even think of it as genderswap, cuz he did it on purpose and then he just changed back when he was done having sex with Castiel and also, sometimes he just wants to be a female stripper. And then I said, "Hey, Gabriel is just like, I'm Gabriel, sometimes I just want to be a female stripper." And as the words "sometimes I just want to be a female stripper" were leaving my mouth, the doctor walked in the room. And all I could think was "I wonder if he's asking himself why I felt the need to clarify that I want to be a female stripper."

But then I thought, "Hey, if I marry Chuck, I will be Gabriel's step-mother. That's weird. Or I'll give birth to Gabriel and then he'll grow up and sometimes be a female stripper."

OMG. This is the weirdest post I have ever made.

In conclusion: I am dating Chuck Shurley. My boyfriend will smite you, bitches. (But not actually any of you, because I love you all.)

Comments

[bugeyedmonster.livejournal.com]

And then I said, "Hey, Gabriel is just like, I'm Gabriel, sometimes I just want to be a female stripper." And as the words "sometimes I just want to be a female stripper" were leaving my mouth, the doctor walked in the room. And all I could think was "I wonder if he's asking himself why I felt the need to clarify that I want to be a female stripper."

Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Your comment made me smile...

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

Right? We burst into laughter, the doctor probably thought we had gone insane.

[casiedearestfic.livejournal.com]

BAHAHAH omg, I love how this is ridic epic LOOONG.

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

Because our love is srz bznz here, people!

[menel.livejournal.com]

Nothing about you surprises me anymore because you're clearly bat-shit crazy in the best possible way. You're totally made for Murdock. Wait. Are you Murdock? o_O

And this whole monogamy thing? Clearly a phase.

The SIMs phenomenon is still a little hazy for me, even after a student wrote a pretty good paper on it last school year. But if Dodger + Sims = Happiness, then I'm happy for you.

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

I am not Murdock. /sad sigh/. Nor am I his girlfriend or his sister or his niece or his cousin. Wow. Okay, keep in mind that I was seven and all of those things were the same to me - girlfriend, sister, niece...they all constisted of wearing his jacket, flying in his helicopter and watching cartoons with him.

Murdock, my first true love. I cried so hard when the eye doctor told me my vision would never be good enough to be a chopper pilot. Who crushes a seven year old's dreams like that? Bastard. I still have my Murdock hat though. It looks just like one he wore on the show, except my brother wrote a big red M across the front of it - you know, for Murdock. I also still have my camo hat with "The A-Team" typed across the front in the standard a-team font (they still fit too, if I squeeze, which I guess means my head hasn't really grown since I was like 7, which is weird.)

Also, I had a bomber jacket for the majority of my childhood. It was awesome and I cried when I had to give it up (seven years is a long reign, the best thing about not growing after the age of twelve). I outgrew the jacket but I never outgrew my first love.

In other news - Chuck Shurley + Dodger = happiness. I love him. /sigh/

Here's why Sims rules (though probably not the argument your student made or presented but...)

Last year, at convention, I had the following conversation with Jared:
Me: So, Jared.
J: Yes, Ma'am (why is that hot when he says that?)
Me: My sister has these Sims. Sam Winchester Sim likes to go over to Sir Ian McKellan's house. Ian has a disco room. Sam turns on the disco ball and the jukebox and then gets in the cage and cage dances for Ian.

He stops writing on my autograph picture and looks up at me and gestures for me to continue, despite his handler tapping on my picture, trying to get him to finish signing it.

Me: Sometimes, when he gets there, Orlando Bloom is already in the cage. So Sam and Orlando have to slap each in a bitch fight over who gets to cage dance. Sir Ian likes to watch. Winner gets the cage. Loser gets naked in the hottub with Ian.

Then Jared grins, all big dimples and looks me straight in the eyes and says:

J: That's the awesome thing about Sims. You can have them do things, that I promise you, Sam will never, ever, ever do on the show.

Then he grins wider, finishs my autograph (completely unreadable as words, btw) hands it back and nods his head at me. As I'm walking away I hear him say "Ian McKellan? Really?" and his handler respond with "Jared, you have to work now."

Thus why, Sims are the awesome.

But I'm lazy and cheap, so I just live through my sister's colored pixelated wonderland.

[menel.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I actually got bogged down by this line: Last year, at convention, I had the following conversation with Jared:

*cries*

I don't know if I'll ever be able to go to a convention. Seriously. I live halfway across the world from you and I'm a closet, slash fanfic writer. (But I'll save that sob story for a proper email.) But the real problem is the 'halfway across the world bit' and the funds it would take to actually go across the world. They're not just lying about, unfortunately. But it's so cool that you get to go to conventions. I'll just have to live vicariously through you and my other friends. :-)

So yeah, back to SIMs. You and Chuck make a lovely couple. So much better than She-Who-Cannot-Be-Named. Never deserved him. He was waaay too good for her, drunken tendencies and prophesy-inducing migraines and all.

And since I appear to be suffering from ADD tonight, back to Jared as well and the whole "Yes Ma'am" thing. My friend and I were just talking about this last week and we've come to the conclusion that it's not limited to Jared. It's clearly a Texan thing. There's Jared. There's Jensen. Hell, the first time I heard Mark Salling say "Yes, Ma'am" to an interviewer I nearly had a heart attack. He's from Texas too.

The Texas man is a man after my own heart. He's rough and ready, but with manners. *swoon*

Final note: Sir Ian would definitely have a cage, a disco ball and a hot tub, SIM or no SIM. *g*

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

Someday I shall properly tell you my convention stories. I have good ones but I don't like to tell them online because I seem like a name dropper or something and also, it can make people, who don't have an awesome father like me who is willing to help out with these things financially, upset.

Other side of the world, huh? Oh, don't despair, I will find a way to get you to Chicago Con with me someday. I will. Because you love Richard and you deserve to meet him. The closeted slash thing never comes up. We'll talk about it later. But I have to get you in a room with Richard Speight Jr!

There is a new update on the Sims. I am not sure how I feel about this latest happening. I love Chuck so much - but...Pellegrino might be a better way to take over the world. My heart is so confused. See my journal for recent blathering on the sister's Sims.

A very large portion of my current crushes are from Texas. My mother recently told me, she had a chance about ten years ago to live in Texas for the winters and I was like "I would have so been there!" and she was like "Really? Seriously?" and I was like "Um, yeah, dude, have you met any Texas men? Or women for that matter? Hello, hotties." I guess she thought it was weird to choose where I live based on the hotness factor of the people who live there. Whatever, that is a totally acceptable way to plan one's life.

Ian Sim had the hot-tub and I never once, not once saw anyone get in it with clothes on. I think it was a rule that you weren't allowed to.

Real Life Ian McKellan told a story about working on X-Men with Alan Cumming and Alan had a hot-tub and was always inviting Ian over to get in it with him and whatever young men he had acquired that day. One night Ian yelled in the middle of set "I am an old man! I can't spend every night in a hot-tub with you and your young men!"

[liptonrm.livejournal.com]

A Certain Someone called me today and we spent, oh, more than an hour talking about the wonderful things she's been doing as the god of All World. Though she won't tell me about some awesome new relationship that apparently happened.

I love our summertime soap opera!!!!

I have the highest hopes for you and Chuck. You do make quite an adorable couple. He must be so thrilled that you're willing to give up your lifetime goal of 10 boyfriends for him. It's so sweet!

And yes, I know, sometimes you just want to be a female stripper.

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

Awesome New Relationship?! You have all the best spoiler-news!! Wow, that is so just like on all of our fandoms. OMG, As All World Turns is our new fandom!! I love Show! AAWT 4evah!

Do you think Rob and Sam are going to have a kid this week? Do you think The Twilights will eat their house guest? Do you think Misha and Richard will turn in their creepy roommate (I heard the PTB want him to have a prison storyline because they loved him so much when he was on The OZ Experiment.) Do you think Evil Councilmen Mark Pellegrino is arch nemesis with Jeffrey Dean Morgan yet? Do you think Xander and Anya will go on that trip to China to get those magic stones? I'm so excited about Show!

Though, Someone is upset that I am reporting that my boyfriend is God and that I may or may not become Gabriel's step-mother. Because apparently Chuck is just an un-employed alcoholic. But I'm like "Whatever, my boyfriend will smite you." And she's like, "No. No, he won't."

Chuck. /sigh/ It's ridiculous how excited I am by this.

Hey, remember when I used to work for Colin and/or Karl sometimes as a stripper in exchange for blow? Good times. Good times.

Then I just totally had a thought about Gabriel and I being strippers together. Omg, why does Chuck put up with me? Oh yeah, right. I remember but...TMI. So. Yeah.

CHUCK FREAKING SHURLEY!!

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

Also - see other reply for all the reasons why Someone should post AAWT!!!! Because we could fail about show in our LJs and it'd be uber-awesome!