Let's Play A Game About Manners.

[dodger_sister]

So I accidentally made that poll a 'checky-box' which is okay because I can see what ideas you liked, even if you picked more than one. Except one of you picked ALL THE THINGS. You know who you are! That's not helpful! /points finger/ It currently looks like the Fictional Story Meme is winning but I'm leaving it open for awhile longer.

Now let's play a hypothetical. Let's say your family all lives in one state and you live a ways away in another state. And when you come to visit, you always stay with your sister, because she has the most room for your family and is in a central location and it just works out best. Still with me? So now let's say you are thinking about coming home for a visit. What is the first thing you do?

a) Tell your mom you are coming for a visit.
b) Tell your dad you are coming for a visit.
c) Ask your boss for time off.
d) Get time off and schedule the whole trip.
e) Call your sister and let her know what is going on.


As you can guess from the tone that I am sure is seeping its way through my written words here - The Canadian-Brother did a - d before he even bothered to do e. So my sister and I, the people who will be housing him, were the last to know.

And also, WE ARE NOT A HOTEL! You don't just call and book a room for the days you want. Again in this hypothetical game, if it were you, would you call and say "this is when we are coming home" or would you say "we are thinking of coming home in May - do you have anything going on?" Because if he had, we probably would have told him that May is already overly booked for us and that June would be a lot better.

We actually have something going on every weekend this month, which is a lot for me. You all know how I have been trying to be good about not overdoing myself too much. We had plans the weekend of his visit and plans for the weekend right after - (he'll be arriving on Friday the 18th and leaving on Wednesday the 23rd) - and we have to cancel/rearrange those plans now because my brother just told us that he is coming home. Not to mention how it is my and The BFF's birthday on the 23rd and now she has to go find a place to stay for the week because they are taking her bedroom. (I feel like I should specify here that when we invited her to move in after law school, it was with the provision that she give up the room for the week my brother comes home to visit...but that is between us and her. From his angle, he is taking her bedroom). If they had asked us, we would have told them that The BFF is moving out at the beginning of June and maybe they could come visit then.

I actually had a lot more complaints about this typed up but I think you all get the main picture. It's never convenient when they come visit but at least it would be nice if we didn't have to cancel things we had going on just because they are coming home. I wish my mom had bought a house that was big enough for his family to stay at. I love my brother and I hate that those kids are growing up so far away from me that I am missing it all. I want to be able to be happy when they come home to visit but when it puts this much stress on me, it is hard to be anything but grumpy.

Comments

[vikingprincess]

*ducks and dodges and weaves* That finger is so not meant for me. I am certain.

The brother was wrong and rude to do it that way. The right answer was DEFINITELY E. No question.

And you are much nicer than I, because I would have told him that he'd have to get a hotel this time, so sorry, more notice would have been very helpful but there are things already going on. Sure, I will work around him, but he has to understand that short notice gets short shrift. So suck it.

(Howsabout all that alliteration, hm? Nice, huh?)

Seriously, though, that was highly inconsiderate of him. He probably wouldn't be that rude to a friend, so what makes it okay to do it to a sister? Would you like to borrow my piece of 2x4 lumber with HINT on it? You could whack him with it....

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

*ducks and dodges and weaves* That finger is so not meant for me. I am certain.

I point my finger at you, madam!

My sister-in-law (married to the other brother though) was telling us we should make the Canadian brother stay at our mom's house. Her house is super tiny but if we loaned her our air mattress, they could maybe cram in there. I talked to my sister about it and we came to the conclusion that the family would never let it go. You don't understand how passive-aggresive these people can be. My brother and my parents would bring it up at every chance they got. My mom would be like, "Well, I needed to borrow your lawnmower but I didn't give you any notice so I just didn't mow my lawn for a month. I would hate to inconvenience you."

Things like that. Because that's how we roll, apparently, in this family.

Sure, I will work around him, but he has to understand that short notice gets short shrift. So suck it.

(Howsabout all that alliteration, hm? Nice, huh?)

lol You are a dork. :)

[vikingprincess]

Dangit. :)

I can see how that sort of passive-aggressive could last for years, yep. Like a family legend of guilt and attempts at forcing shame.

That's QUEEN DORK to YOU, Missy!

[ceitfianna]

*hugs* Not thoughtful of him and while you have a decent sized house, it seems like guests take planning and thought.

I'm not sure how helpful it would be, but my place in Ann Arbor is available for hiding out. I know it would be tricky for some issues as its oddly built but offer's there. Also my TV screen is smaller.

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

Our house has that big basement area and it is located quite close to a large number of the family, which makes it convienent for them. Not always convenient for us though. Especially because I am the one who is left here with them everyday. I literally spend every second entertaining them and it takes so much out of me. It's different even then coming to stay here if it was just my sister living here - because she goes to work during the day. But I am here during the day so it is like inviting yourself to invade my whole life. And with my health the way it has been the last year, that is asking a lot of me to be on every second of the day.

I was wondering the other day if you had steps up into your house. That's always my biggest hurdle with going to anyone's home.

[ceitfianna]

There's an elevator that works but there are a few steps to get to it from the lower garage and then steps coming from the outside. Also the visitor parking is up a hill from the lower garage, lots more go through here to here than is really helpful. None of it is a lot but its enough that its not well thought out. I don't think I have pictures of it and the Google maps shot is from a distance. I am on the first floor which is something.

Yeah, I know how that goes. I love having people visit but I don't have much space, so being able to go into my bedroom helps a lot. Being a host is work.

[mandatorily.livejournal.com]

No siblings to compare things to, here, but E would be the decent choice for ANYONE. Isn't family fun? o.0

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

I hear Canadians are suppose to be extra polite but my brother has been living there for several years and it hasn't done anything to improve his manners.

My family alternates between being awesome and being the biggest pain in my ass. I guess that's how it goes.

[shirebound]

The right answer is f) "Call your sister and ASK if it's a convenient time to visit".

*hugs you*

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

The right answer is f) "Call your sister and ASK if it's a convenient time to visit".

Yes! This is true. Sadly, I only compiled a list of choices based off things that actually happened and apparently it would be ridiculous to think he would ask us first. /shakes head/

/hugs back/ Thanks, darling.

[fragrantwoods.livejournal.com]

Why do families do this kind of thing to each other? My BFF has just such a brother and putting her foot down has been challenging. She's gone so far as to tell him she was spending Christmas Day with us so she could have Christmas with her husband and children in peace.

Good luck and hugs for dealing with the chaos.

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

I would like to say that my brother has just gotten so used to us providing for him when he comes home to visit that he has gotten kind of lazy and assuming, but the truth is, he has always been like this.

She's gone so far as to tell him she was spending Christmas Day with us so she could have Christmas with her husband and children in peace.

See, that's ridiculous! People ought to just be able to say, "This is not convenient for me," and yet we can't because it causes so much drama in the family. /shakes head/

Thanks, darling. I suspect I will have to sleep for a week straight after their visit.

[lizibabes.livejournal.com]

That seems pretty rude of him, your right, your not a hotel and even if he called a hotel, he'd have to work around when they are free, not just when he is.

It sucks that he's messing with your plans, I hope you still have an amazing birthday, I can see why this would make you feel grumpy *hugs*

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

If this was a hotel at least he'd have to pay us for our trouble.

And it's not like he doesn't knowit's my birthday! I think he just assumed I wouldn't have any plans because he is one of those people in the family that thinks I just sit around at home and don't do anything with myself - just because I am unemployed and living on disability. I almost think he thinks that he is doing me a favor by coming for my birthday, so now I have something to do. /shakes head/

/hugs back/ Thanks, babe.

[lizibabes.livejournal.com]

Ugh, people like that annoy me, I don't work right now, because of my health and I care for my mother who's sicker than me, but people are like "You don't have a job? Wow, you must have no life what so ever"

Because sick people, we're just lazy really *shakes head*

I really hope you have a good time anyway, people make my head exsploded, they really do.

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

Ugh, people like that annoy me, I don't work right now, because of my health and I care for my mother who's sicker than me, but people are like "You don't have a job? Wow, you must have no life what so ever"

I actually pointed that out to you because I thought, "I bet she has had people say shit like that to her too." It's not like we just sit around doing nothing and crying all the time because we are so lonely. Though I actually had a cousin tell me once that I need a hobby and "don't say your 'computer' because that's not a hobby".

I couldn't believe that because 'writing' is a hobby - what kind of a hobby am I suppose to have? Like she thinks my life is so empty or something. I didn't get that at al. I bet I have more of a social life than the people in my famly who are married and have jobs and kids because where the hell would they find the time to have any fun?

I am just going to have to push my birthday celebration (and The BFF's) back a few weeks and hope I have enough energy to enjoy myself. Thanks, babe!

[lizibabes.livejournal.com]

You know me well lol, I get that shit a lot, epecially from an ex of mine, who almost choked on his 2do you have a job YET?" when I informed him that I wasn't allowed to work till I had my brian tumor removed as it's making me very ill......he had the cheek to ask if I was joking, like I'd make a joke about that?

Writing is a hobby, people work as writers, so something that can be a job, can be a hobby right? and computers are a great way to be in contact with people all over the world and LJ has even brought me closer to friends I knew in RL before LJ. I don't know what counts as a hobby to other people hun, but I don't think it's down to them to decied what defines a hobby.

People in fandom have friends all over the world, which I think is awesome.

Putting it back seems like the best option, even though you shouldn't have to< my mum's putting back her bday meal for me, because I'm having all 4 wisdom teeth out in one go(2 are growing the wrong way and need cutting out) so I won't be able to eat properly on her actual bday, it's sweet of her to change it for me :)

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

he had the cheek to ask if I was joking, like I'd make a joke about that?

JFC, what an asshole! I'd have punched him in the face.

You know, when my cousin told me that, I think I was actually in the middle of writing an original screenplay. I am used to people thinking fandom and fanfic aren't good/healthy ways for me to spend my time because they just don't understand it - but how she can tell me writing a screenplay isn't a good thing to do when my whole life all I have ever wanted is to write a movie? It pissed me off so hard.

And I agree - friends on LJ are real friends. And some of my RL friends I met because of fandom - The BFF? I met her in LotR fandom. Met someone through LJ last summer who I noted through a post somewhere needed to buy a paper shredder and lived nearby. I had a shredder to sell. She came and bought it and we got to talking and now she comes down once a month for dinner.

I don't know how to explain what it is Fandom/Fanfic mean to me when it comes to people who are just so narrow-minded but I am like, "If stamp-collecting is a hobby, so is what I do, dammit!"

my mum's putting back her bday meal for me, because I'm having all 4 wisdom teeth out in one go(2 are growing the wrong way and need cutting out) so I won't be able to eat properly on her actual bday, it's sweet of her to change it for me :)

Awww, that's actually really nice. That is a good reason to push back a birthday celebration!

[lizibabes.livejournal.com]

If it wasn't by friends birthday outing, I would have, I was the focus of a fight on are last friends birthday, wasn't my fault, two male friends decided I was their property to fight over, as you do, so I don't want to be the friend who causes a fight when ever we go out.


I think writing is good for people, even as a hobby it's a good outlet for stress and other stuff, I know it helps relax me. And if it's your dream to write a screenplay, then people should just back off and let you do it. I've wanted to write a book since I was little and I'm lucky, even non-fandom people are encouraging me to do it, but I would have never got to the place of considering doing it with out fandom, I've talked to some great people, not met anyone face to face, but the person who loves my fics the most? Is my BFF who's wedding I've asked to be maid of honor that, we were always close, but fandom brought us closer and I think that's healthy, it encourages people to conect with others who have similar interests.

My mum's pretty awesome, it's her 50th, so I'll be spoiling her as much as I can, even if I have a swollen hamster face :)

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

two male friends decided I was their property to fight over,

Probably not as exciting in RL as it sounds in fic. What jerks.

The thing is, I don't think when my cousin was all, "Your computer isn't a hobby," that she had any idea what I use my computer for. Which is just more of how I feel like people think I just sit around doing nothing and they really have no concept of what my life actually is.

I know what you mean about fandom bringing you closer to your BFF. It did the same for my sister and me - we were both writing in LotR fandom at the same time and didn't know it. Now we have this big thing that is a huge part of our life that we can share with each other. It's amazing, isn't it?

[lizibabes.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was not a fun night, men really don't seem worth the troubble half the time, but then I do attract some massive jerks.

I doubt she realised, I don't think a lot of people do see all the things you can do with computers. A few people know I sit up writing all night when I can't sleep, only 2 people know what I write, especially where people don't know I do challenges, i don't think they get that I sometimes need to get on the computer, general people don't seem to get how a hobby can conect you to people.

I think it's kind of cool/awesome that you both ended up writing in the same fandom with out knowing it, my BFF was reading my fanfic before she knew it was me lol It really is amazing how close fandom can bring people

Unrelated comment: I'm doing a H/C mini challenge that has to be in a small fandom, so I'm writing Haven fan fic for the first time....writing in a new fandom is scary, I don't know how you write in so many!

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

but then I do attract some massive jerks.

Been there, done that, honey.

Yeah, I think you are right. I think maybe my cousin thought I was just scrolling around the internet aimlessly or something. I know a lot of people don't get it because my aunt kept trying to get me to join different groups where you play cards. She really enjoyed it and made friends that way but I have never been a great card player and I didn't have time for that with all my fandom stuff. I am sure they were nice people but why would I want to talk to them when I could be talking to someone in fandom? I couldn't seem to get my aunt to understand that I already had a hobby and I was quite happy with it. She kept pushing it, telling me it would be good for me 'socially'. Idek.

my BFF was reading my fanfic before she knew it was me lol

That is the COOLEST! I had read one of my sister's fics before I knew it was her. When she told me her online name, I was like, "I know you! You are a really good hobbit gen writer!" I couldn't believe it.

What is Haven? It sounds familiar but I don't watch it.

....writing in a new fandom is scary, I don't know how you write in so many!

I don't know, I think I like to challenge myself. It is fun to get into different characters heads.

[lizibabes.livejournal.com]

It's actually funny in that,these two aren't as bad as some of the guys who ask me out, one I've known 15 years, the other 8 maybe 9, they can be good guys, but the pissing contest they are in is annoying as fuck.


Other people always think their hobbies are better or more social. I think you really do have to be in fandom to really get it. Although the BFF's husband to be knows we write it and read it and he actually seems to get it, both the social aspect and the passion we have for writing and you know hot men with other hot men.

I saw the hobbit with a new cover today, already getting ready for the film, you and your sister should write some hobbit fic to celerbrate *enabler, I know lol*

Haven is a sci fi show based on a stephen King book. A Feamle FBI agent goes to a small town and a lot of the locals have weird abilities that effect everyone but her, including a man who can't feel anything but her touch.

In total I think I've written in five fandoms, with different pairings in some of them, cross overs, threesomes. But this fandom is really new to me, so I'm curious to see what reaction it'll get, I'm pretty happy with it, it was easier to get into the caracters head than I thought it would be.

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

you and your sister should write some hobbit fic to celerbrate *enabler, I know lol*

LOL Don't worry, I am sure we will. I actually expect the release of the movie will spark a ressurection of the LotR fandom along with some more "Hobbit"-based stuff. I doubt it will be the whirlwind that we saw last time around, but I still look forward to it.

Haven is on the SyFy channel, right? Now that you describe it to me, I think I know it. I remember seeing ads for it when it first came on air a few years back, but I don't think we had that channel at the time. Now we do though, so maybe I should get caught up and start watching it.

I am glad writing in the new fandom is working out for you! You know, I see you challenge yourself with so many different couplings and kinks and plot ideas (your plot ideas always catch my attention). Like you have managed to stretch your fandoms out because you are daring enough to try new things. So I can see how you would also be up to the challenge of trying a new fandom now. Good luck!

[lizibabes.livejournal.com]

Hopefully it'll give the fandom a boost, it's been years since I read the book, I should read it again before the film comes out.

Yep it's on SyFy, I caught it when they were re running from the start. waiting for a new series after a cliffy ending.

I finished the fic. so once it's beta'd I can see how people react to it. I love challenges and how they get me writing diffrent types of things I never expected to write. Thanks, I'm reaaly glad my plots catch your attention :)You know me, challenge addict lol

[wolfrider89.livejournal.com]

Wow, yeah, that's really inconsiderate. Jeez. Not a hotel, dude, think about that? *shakes head* Sucks for the BFF, too. :(

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

I know! We'd been hearing for a month from other people that they were coming home in May for a visit but did they bother to call us about it? No. Even a hotel has the right to tell you "Sorry we are all booked up."

Yeah, The BFF should actually be spending that week getting packed up to move, but now she can't because my brother will be here. Thankfully she doesn't have to stay with her parents (which would suck) because my cousin lives right around the corner and offered her the spare bedroom for the week.

I'll take hugs from Castiel though. Nice icon. :)

[wolfrider89.livejournal.com]

It's weird how some people do things like that. If I'm going somewhere the first thing I check is that I have somewhere to live. Which would include asking the people I'm staying with if that's the case. *scratches head* I don't get it. *shakes head*

Good thing your cousin stepped up. Poor BFF. Especially if she's getting ready to move!

Haha, thanks, I like it. And Cas!hugs is something I want too. :)

[matchboximpala.livejournal.com]

When I go home, I always call my mom first to check if they will be around, because I always stay there. I cannot IMAGINE getting time off and booking my flight and then calling her, expecting her to be at my beck and call. :{ Hope you can talk to hi about being more considerate next time.

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

When I go home, I always call my mom first to check if they will be around, because I always stay there. I cannot IMAGINE getting time off and booking my flight and then calling her, expecting her to be at my beck and call. :{ Hope you can talk to hi about being more considerate next time.

It is just common sense! We had been hearing from other people in the family about them saying that they were looking to come for a visit - but at no point did they bother to call us about it. Ugh. It is different even than them saying they are coming for a visit like during a week when we were going on vacation. Because then we could just be like, "Well, we won't be there but you can use the house." This was different because it was them being here when we were suppose to be having friends over.

I have forgiven them though because as a 'thank you' they bought us the best video game ever made! It is all I want to do. In fact, I am going to eat and then play it right now!

[matchboximpala.livejournal.com]

:( I really want to play video games. Every once in a while I read in Entertainment Weekly about a very cool game and I rip out the page and put it aside, thinking that I'll finally go get myself some kind of system. Then I realize I CANNOT because I would get nothing done and I already waste too much time on LJ. But I *want*....

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

I am way behind on LJ stuff. That always happens when I get into a new video game. My writing has also fallen to the wayside for it. I have been trying to be good about not playing too much because I get a stiff neck from it. My sister works out for an hour after dinner and I have been trying to hold off and only play my new game then. I am not always successful. ;)